Month, after month.
In a blink, we have drifted a month ahead. In a blink, we all have, to some extent, changed within this one month. For myself, I've slowly shown signs of adapting to the monotonous 8 -5.30 routine. (I know many of you will rant at this). But as the saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side". There're both pro's and con's to a stay-out vocation. I'm getting used to my 90 minutes journey home each day, and the exorbitant transport fares.
Listening to the song "When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne really brings back so much memories. The endless work and impending stress creates the apt opportunity to feel nolstalgic this cold night. Those times, I still cannot forget. It wasn't much, it wasn't deep, but I guess I never could completely forget. So much was shared between us - fun, laughter, silliness. Our endless chats about everything under the sun - I miss it so much. And when it all ended so abruptly, I was unable to face it. So much so I stayed silent the next few months, still unable to comprehend everything that had swiftly occured.
It's been half a year and counting. I wonder how things have changed for both of us. I'm not even sure how much I've changed, if I have at all. We never talked, I never dared. I was afraid of invoking some dreadful emotions. I decided to give time a try, to watch as time healed things. I don't know if it hasn't been long enough, or just not possible; We were never able to break down the wall lying between us, one that was created during that period. You never did; I never dared; We never tried.
I'm digging deep into the past, in search for salvation from this deep abyss of unhappiness. I'm relying on the very memories of you and I, for I know, I was once really happy. Those times are now gone, and very aptly, when you're gone, I broke. Can you see this facade of mine? I want to go back to the past, but I never will. Because you had moved on, and we were not meant to be.
But still, I miss you so.
July 9th, 2009 - 21:26
wow i hope you are not thinking of tian wei. she is not worth it. she is a bitch and a slut.
July 9th, 2009 - 22:19
who’re you?
July 9th, 2009 - 22:39
it is disgusting if you are really talking about her and euw, missing her. you deserve someone a million times better, seriously. i have a good mind to say that you are one of the biggest idiots i have ever met. pining over a person who has no morals? you’ll be the first, and hopefully the last. wake up please. she is just fucking leading you on. you think she is interested in being your friend? no way. she likes the attention you lavish on her. she was never interested in you, and she will never be. she was only USING YOU to boost her own ego. can’t you see? why else would she still flirt with her even when she’s attached? or are you so blind? she is desperate and i am sorry to see YOU falling into her trap when i thought you were clever. obviously i am wrong.. but would you like to prove me wrong? prove to all of your friends that you are not as stupid as they secretly think? being sentimental is one thing, but being sentimental for the WRONG PERSON, is another. i would have liked you if not for the fact that you are so hung up over a fugly slut like her.
for goodness sake. WAKE UP KENNY. and in case you are gonna blast me for what i wrote, this is called TOUGH LOVE. you are fucking much better without that bitch, trust me.
July 10th, 2009 - 06:11
haha. that’s such a refreshing perspective i haven’t had for a long time.
perhaps, i’ve been a real big idiot to have held on to that memory for so long. maybe, i’ve been dumb to have been through all that. but, i cherished even that very false facade. it was fun while it lasted.
i’m probably better without her, yea i know, but that’s what my mind tells me. somewhere inside me, my heart’s always holding on to whatever made it smile, be it sincere or leading me on. my mind understands perfectly and logically what i should have done, but my heart wavers, and it still needs time. so while i still retain some essence of being human, let me ponder over what’s forever lost and mistakenly done, for in the coming years, i’ll fulfil my resolutions and place relationship issues deep back into that closet.
i appreciate your efforts in trying to wake me up. let me assure you i’m perfectly sane at this moment. the little periods of reminiscence are inevitable, but all the more puts me into an even steadfast position to handle the uncertain future. once bitten, twice shy.
July 10th, 2009 - 15:52
GOD KENNY. I KNOW HER. maybe she is/was a perfect little angel to you (please allow me to vomit first), but she is only a slut who’s hungry for attention from stupid lovesick males like you who falls into her trap, and then she devours you and spits you out, and you are still none the wiser. you are nothing to her until you are attached, then perhaps she will take notice of you FOR THE FIRST TIME.
if that’s the kind of girl you fall for, and my god is she such a disgrace to women worldwide, if you enjoyed that facade, if you enjoyed all the flirting, you will be bitten once, twice, many times. i don’t see how it was fun to see the girl you like fucking around with other guys while she doesn’t even care about you. she knows all about your feelings, but she has never cared. did you seriously think she had you in her filthy little mind when she was off sweet talking some other stupid guy, trying to get off with an idiot who is attached? NOTHING IS EVER SINCERE WITH HER. she is not a simple and sincere female. she is a cunning and conniving bitch who relishes all the attention she can get. it gives her a sense of power to know that she can, and WILL, snatch other girls’ boyfriends, who the fuck cares if the girlfriend is/was her own friend?
you don’t sound sane, kenny, because i won’t call someone who is still so hung up over a whore like her sane. i would say he is certified. she has no appeal whatsoever, she is a repulsive bitch and for you to still wish that she could someday be yours, to reminisce over your shared memories.. i rest my case mr low. you’re not retaining some essence of being human, you’re just retaining some essence of being an idiot.
you are hopeless, kenny, and i don’t mean that in a good oh-you’re-so-lovesick-that’s-so-sweet way. if you are still hoping to get with her, may i suggest a piece of advice which i daresay will be useful? GET A GIRLFRIEND. she will definitely be interested in you then. but be careful not to go bareback (if you can even get it up in the first place when you’re confronted with her fugface and fat body), you never know what you will catch ;)
seriously dude. FUCKING MOVE ON. what is the use of holding on to those memories when she never even retained them as memories?? i cannot believe a guy like you is so infatuated with her. you are too fucking good for her; do you know the phrase 一朵鲜花插在牛粪上??? she’s that pile of crap, and a really big one at that because she’s just full of bullshit. knn stop thinking about that whore already, we would have fucking slapped you upside down if we could.
July 10th, 2009 - 18:28
hmmm i find it real interesting how you’re so extremely worked up. the way you described me, i find it so peculiar. i think you’ve severely over-estimated this issue, for i cannot agree to a lot of points you just said. not that they’re wrong, but because they just don’t apply to me. i’m not as infatuated as you think so, nor am i feeling as nolstalgic as you think so.
July 12th, 2009 - 19:20
because, kenny, i care about you.
July 12th, 2009 - 23:03
haha hmm i never knew even i could be worth someone’s care. thank you for caring about me :) would it be alright for me to know who you are?